Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I've been holding onto a lot of resentment towards my parents for a long time. Now that I'm sober I've started to question if its productive or if its hurting my sobriety. My parents are in their 70's so the chance of them changing their ways are out of the question. I've worked for and with my father for about 22 years on our farm. It's a third generation business and I would love nothing more than for my boys to carry on the family business. But because I can't deal with the stress and hostility between my father and myself I've decided to change careers. This scares the shit out of me because all I've ever done is farm. But I think its the best thing for my family. I've been trying to earn my fathers respect for 22 years and I haven't been able to earn it yet. He's a hard man to please but he does have some good qualities. Looking at his good qualities has helped me realize that nothing good can come from resentment except for more resentment. And that takes too much energy from my recovery, family, and other things I enjoy doing. I'm not going to be one of those people that look back on there life from their death bed and realize that all they have done in life is swim in an ocean of regret their whole life.