Insanity

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again knowing good and well what the outcome is going to be. This describes the old me perfectly. Why do we as addicts go round and round the same vicious cycle expecting the outcome to be different. It's kind of like we don't want order in our lives. Like we crave the chaos and disorder because that's whats normal to us. But normal people want structure and order in their lives. Even though some people would argue that's insane. Our insanity causes our family's to worry about us constantly. Our insanity causes us financial problems. It even makes us do things that we would never do sober. Such as stealing from family and friends. I was so insane I didn't even think it was wrong to go in my wife's pocket book and take money. My insanity told me what's her's is mine and what's mine is her's. The problem with that was I didn't have shit because I had either snorted it up my nose, drank it, or popped it in my mouth. If your reading this and your insane be grateful that there is a way out. You have got to want it, it's not easy, it's an everyday job. You are never recovered from insanity your always going to be recovering, because if you let your guard down it's right back and you'll be insaner than you were before. So good luck and God Bless all you addicts and recovering addicts out there.

From This Day Forth

I'm 34 years old and I've just realized that my sole purpose in life has been to satisfy myself and no one else. I've been lying to everybody around me by trying to make them believe I'm something I'm not. I've talked about doing this and doing that and I haven't done shit with my life. I'm embarrassed because your priorities in life are shown through your actions and not by the words that come out of your mouth or in my case lies out of my mouth. I've let my wife take responsibility for our family for long enough. It's time for me to step up and be a man. It's time to give up the alcohol and drugs. So on this day I vow to take control of my life and family. It's time for me to be the head of my house and not my wife. I'm so ashamed of my past actions but I can't dwell on the past. I have got to keep moVing forward and be the man I know I can be. Not only for me and my dignity but for my family aswell. Because I don't want them living in fear anymore of when I might disappear again.